Id Lie
by K. East
Summary: LJ AU Lily is in love with James, whose feelings for her are merely platonic. A tribute to Taylor Swift's 'I'd Lie'.


I'd Lie

_I don't think that passenger seat_

_has ever looked this good to me_

_He tells me about his night_

_I count the colors in his eyes_

"Hey," Lily says breathlessly. He looks up. James is the picture of perfection: lean, tall, and cat-like, with jet-black hair that sweeps to one side and sticks up in the back, hazel eyes, and a quirky grin always fastened on.

On the other hand is Lily Evans: somewhat shorter, slight, and pale, with dark-red hair and green eyes which set her apart from the other girls.

They are best friends, or close to it; he still has Sirius, whom he trusts beyond anyone else, and she has Alice, her confidant.

"Hey," he replies, patting the seat beside him. She smiles.

_I'll never fall in love, he swears_

_as he runs his fingers through his hair_

_I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong_

_and I don't think it ever crossed his mind_

_- he tells a joke, I fake a smile -_

_that I know all his favorite songs_

"How was patrol?" James asks. He is sprawled out in a fat armchair, giving her a start. Evidently, he has been waiting for her to return. Lily turns pink.

"Quite boring," she replies nonchalantly.

"What? Prowling around after hours is boring?" he teases. "I wonder what you count as exciting, then."

Lily half-smiles. Oh, how difficult it is to restrain herself from answering the way she'd like to! She knows, however, not to read into these jokes. They're only that - jokes.

She sits next to him, curling comfortably into the chair as he laughs and lays an arm over her shoulder. It's such a natural, _friendly_ move for him.

People see this all the time: Lily and James, practically attached at the hip. They hug in the hallways. They walk to class together. She lets him lie his head in her lap while she reads. The other students - even their close friends - think Lily and James are in love.

But they're not.

Only she is.

_And I could tell you_

_his favorite color's green_

_He loves to argue_

_Born on the seventeenth_

_His sister's beautiful_

_He has his father's eyes_

_and if you ask me if I love him_

_I'd lie_

This is how she likes him best: In the mornings, when he rumpled and bleary-eyed. He is not a morning person. In fact, on a normal day, in his pyjamas with hair all amuss and glasses askew, he looks exhausted.

Saturdays they spend playing chess and Gobstones, usually with Peter and Remus and Sirius. She doesn't know when become "one of the fellows", but sometimes she loves it. Sometimes she hates it.

It's like he can't even see her at all. He'll tell her the same things he tells Sirius, instead of the sweet nothings she dreams about.

"I win again!" he cheers. His shirt is untucked, his tie hanging loose. "Play again?"

"Sure," Lily concedes. She knows chess is his most favorite game, of all they play. Though she's ready to stop, she won't. For his sake.

This is James Potter: when he is carefree, competitive, and outgoing all in one. When he isn't pressured to be the unofficial prince of Gryffindor, perched on his throne.

_He looks around the room_

_innocently overlooks the truth_

_Shouldn't a light go on?_

_Doesn't he know_

_I've had him memorized for so long?_

"It's over," he declares as he enters the common room. Several people look up, but Lily is the one he is addressing. "Andie broke up with me during fourth period."

"I'm sorry," she says, but she's not. She's gleeful. "What was the claim?"

The "claim". It's so shallow, coming out of her mouth. But she had been jealous, undeniably so - and concerned that this girl would be the one. Evidently not.

"She said...I don't spend enough time with her," James admits. He sticks his hands in his pockets. "I know I don't."

"It's just who you are," Lily says fiercely. "Of course you want time with your friends." _Including me._

"I know, but I feel like I could've done better," he insists. "something to keep it together."

"She just wasn't right for you."

"Then, who is?"

_I am!_ she wants to say. Isn't it so painfully obvious by now? They both are outgoing; they both are smart; they both want children someday; they _both_ are aspiring to fight in the war; and they _both _want something extra from life. They _both_ have suffered through love, and they each have found solace in the other.

James takes her silence as a negative answer. "Lily" - he says her name so easily, while she trembles at his - "I know you're going to give me the 'fish in the sea' speech. And I appreciate it. It's just not true for me. Andie's all I think about."

"If that's what you want," she says miserably. He takes the downcast tone as concession.

"Thank you."

_He sees everything black and white_

_Never let nobody see him cry_

_I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine_

_And I could tell you_

_his favorite color's green_

James and Lily. Lily and James. Rumors flash through the school. Every time he denies one, she is cut to the quick.

_He loves to argue_

_Born on the seventeenth_

People are asking her what it's like to date him. She can't do anythin; she's living a false life, a life rumors created for her, that she wants so badly, and a life she knows they both must destroy.

_His sister's beautiful_

_He has his father's eyes_

Every day is harder, being the "best friend". Boys won't approach her becasue they think she belongs to James. Even if they did appraoch her, she'd deny them...because all she wants is _him_. Him, James. He's an idol in her mind, and it hurts.

_And if you ask me if I love him_

_I'd lie_

One day, the worst happens.

"Hey, James," Sirius woofs. He slings an arm over his best friend's shoulder, who is currently trying to help Lily with a project.

"Hey."

"I heard some very interesting gossip this morning."

Lily's ears perk up. Could it...

"Lily and I aren't dating," James replies bluntly. "I know it's been going around, and it's not true. It won't happen. You can tell the rest of the school that, too."

"Alright, mate," says Sirius, puzzled.

Lily swallows. A lump is in her throat. She holds her emotions down, bottled, until later that night...then she cries.

_He stands there, then walks away_

_my God, if I could only say_

_I'm holding every breath for you_

_He'd never tell you,_

_but he can play guitar_

_I think he can see through_

_everything but my heart_

"Great game," Lily calls throatily as James struggles off the pitch. Hands still reach to pat him on the back as he exits.

"Thanks," says he. Sweat is dripping off his brow and mud clings to his front. "It was tough."

"Worth watching." She smiles.

_First thought when I wake up is_

_my God, he's beautiful_

_so I put on my make-up and_

_pray for a miracle_

Graduation day has rolled around, and Lily is anything but excited.

Today is the last day she will see him - or at least, the last day for certain. They're going separate ways: she, to complete her assimilation into the wizarding world by moving into her first magical home; and he, to follow in his father's footsteps as promised.

Today is the day she had planned to tell him - to tell him everything, from when she began fancying him after he (so simply) held a door open for her in fourth year to when she had realized that infatuation had blossomed into love - at the beginning of sixth year, when he looked to her for comfort over his ex-girlfriend, a lon time after they became friends.

Except she can't, because there is another girl now, another wonderful girl that James is infatuated with. Another girl on his arm, another girl meeting his proud parents, another girl he kisses, so sweetly...

...and who is Lily to taint that happiness?

So she keeps it in, promises to keep in touch, tells herself it's alright. Tells herself everything's forgiven.

_Yes, I could tell you_

_his favorite color's green_

_He loves to argue_

_Oh, and it kills me_

_His sister's beautiful_

_He has his father's eyes_

_and if you ask me if I love him..._

_Don't you ask me if I love him..._

She hugs him tightly, tears prickling her eyes. He laughs.

"It's not good-bye forever, you know."

_'cause I'd lie._


End file.
